Did you have any challenges jumping into the daytime talk show world?
I got a lot of notes in the beginning of my show, like “You’re too much. Tone it down. You’re too spastic.” There was a lot of negative feedback, and it was really hard to hear. But all we have is our individuality. And if we pretend to be anything other than what we are, we are lost. So, a moment that could have been ripe for an identity crisis was actually a conscious choice to not hate myself, but trust in myself. Then, as a producer, I made pivots to massage the show into something a little calmer.
Do you ever deal with professional or personal burnout?
I am very prone to burning out, then keeping going. That is my go-to state. I’ve been working since I was 11 months old. I’ve never stopped. And I don’t know how to get off the horse. I think that is one positive movement (talking about burnout) as society, especially when athletes talk about it, because we look at them as these superheroes and kings and queens of endurance and idolatry. And when they’re saying it, I think it’s less controversial and more human. I’m still learning that because I’m terrible at it. I’m like, “Oh, the state of burnout is a normal state to live in.” And I’ve just felt that way my whole life. I’ve always kept going, but burning the candle at both ends is a completely irrational state of being and I’m starting to question that now. Have I figured it out? Hell no. But just being aware of it and tending to the garden every once in a while is a helpful step. Just don’t look to me when it comes to health and wellness and balance and all that stuff—I’m just as confused and torn as everyone! But maybe there is permission to say, “I can’t figure it all out, but I can figure some things out.”
What are some ways you’ve focused on your health and wellness recently?
I started drinking 100 ounces of water a day, and my doctor called and said, “Your sodium levels are too low. What are you doing different?” I told him I’m drinking a lot of water! He said to stop drinking that much and he’d test me again. I did, and it went back to a normal amount. So, the one thing I thought I was doing right was hurting me. I realize that I’m a total extremist. I don’t totally know balance. But when it comes to the mental game, the spiritual game, the working on myself game, I would be an athlete if we did a comparison.
How do you work on your mental wellbeing?
I do consistent therapy with a brilliant man named Barry Michels, who leads the horse to water, and you have complete revelations. There’s a tremendous amount of structure to the work, which helps me make sense of it in a much more consistent way. I can identify, “Oh, that’s what this is. Oh, I need to do this.” I wish I could apply the level of commitment I have to my mental wellness to my physical wellness. I do some meditation as well. I have a closet I converted into my spiritual epicenter, where I do my sessions with Barry. I write everything out and the walls are covered with these great, incredible wisdoms. And I can look around and read the words of the hard work I’m doing. I know that space is there if and when I need it.
How would you describe your health routine?
Horrible—[it’s mostly] inconsistent workouts, takeout food, intermittent fasting in a way that no intermittent fasting diet is designed, work all day, forget to eat, shove a sandwich in your mouth, just totally not on the ball. One day—one day!— hopefully I’ll get better.
What is your outlook on your own physical health?
I posted a picture of a scale and a note that said, “Say something kind to yourself.” That moment changed my life. It was a quintessential Oprah aha moment for me. It isn’t about a number. It’s about the way you feel. That certainly doesn’t take away how important it is to take care of ourselves. It still takes a heaping pile of discipline. But when you’re willing to listen and make changes, that’s when the magic starts. If I’m completely off my game one day, tomorrow is another chance.
How do you keep yourself grounded at home?
I love to clean. It makes me really happy to take care of my home and my space, whether it’s making the room less chaotic or cleaning the dishes or making things tidy and nice. I’m not anal retentive; it doesn’t always have to be perfect. But I know that if I’m feeling upset, I can start to organize and clean and invest in my home space. And that usually starts to help. I remind myself that when I’m really daunted, just start, whether it’s my mental wellness or stuff at work or cleaning the kitchen. Just start, don’t stay stuck. Make the list, do that first thing on the list and do whatever it takes to not sit and wallow in your crap.
With so much on your plate, do you ever take a second to recharge?
I like to recharge and replenish by doing nothing. I was feeling really guilty about it, and out of a session with Barry came the word “permission.” I wrote it down and put it on my wall. Now, the time I choose to recharge my batteries doesn’t become a session for self-hatred and flagellation. Why did I spend so many years thinking What a loser or You could be doing more or This feels so lazy? Why am I beating myself up about doing nothing? Maybe I’m just a type of person who enjoys being alone and watching TV, and what the hell is wrong with that?
You’ve talked about giving up alcohol and its impact on your health. How has that decision become a force of positivity in your life?
I don’t work a program, but I completely cut out alcohol and it’s been three years. I think being hard on myself stemmed a lot from alcohol. It was a thing I spent my life trying to conquer and harness, as if one day I could manage it. And I finally realized that I couldn’t. And when I couldn’t break cycles, especially that one, I didn’t have the faith in myself that I was capable of conquering demons and slaying dragons. And [stopping alcohol] has given me so much more confidence and hope and faith in myself that I can make changes, and that I can identify things that don’t work for me.
Do you have any go-to mocktails or drinks when hosting?
I love mocktails. I am always asking for a super spicy, citrusy margarita without alcohol and a lot of Tajin and Himalayan sea salt. I have a full bar at my house. I love serving people. I think that was what scared me about trying sobriety—I would have to be in this very intense practice and my whole life would need an overhaul. But my best friend Nan taught me the best quote: “Insecurity is loud, confidence is quiet.” And I finally got confident.
